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[21 Oct 2006|06:41pm] |
Lame people make me laugh.
I laugh a lot.
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| I feel a chill in the air today. |
[19 Oct 2006|06:41pm] |
So, long time no see, or hear from, livejournal.
Sometimes it just feels good to sit and think. To get your mind off of everything.
The hard part is finding the time to do so.
You know me. I don't really like talking about my life or my problems. I just like talking. Thinking about things.
I'm in college now. It's cool. It's different. I'm meeting so many new people. I've met so many people that are in bands here, a couple my brother even played shows with. I sit next to the drummer for prevail's within, or something like that. They're a local band, and he's cool as hell. I don't know if that's they're name, but it sounds good. Yeah, but I'm a fucking adult now.
I fucking get treated like one.
It's kind of weird.
I mean, I like it, but it still feels weird, because everything happened so fast. I just pray that I make all the right decisions. Too much bad shit has been happening lately. Too much everywhere.
Oh well. I don't feel like writing anymore. Maybe more later, if I'm in the mood.
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| Welcome Back, Livejournal. |
[28 Jul 2006|02:24am] |
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None More Black |
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So. Life is about to kick me in the balls.
Let's see... I'm all grown up now!
I'm out of high school. Haha. The reason my school was a "high school", though is 'cause of all the fuckin' burnouts that went there. You couldn't go one day without somebody talking about how "blowed" they were, or saying they were "barred out" or how fucked up they got the night before.
One of my greatest fears, though is staying in a world where all this bullshit is rampant. I'm ready to get out of this town. Yes, it's cliche to say this town sucks, but at least I'm taking measures the get the fuck out. I'm not gonna be one of the ones who talk about leaving everyday, and not do shit about it.
I saw someone the other day wearing a shirt that said "McQueeney, come for vacation, leave on probation." That made me laugh so hard, and the sad thing is that shit is true. McQueeney has to be one of the most fucked up towns I've ever seen in my life. It's small, but the crazy people ratio is high. Basically, McQueeney isn't a melting pot of people. It's a melting pot of crazy people. People that have no direction, or the only direction they prefer to go is down, down, down.
Now that I'm out of high school, I look back on it and realize how much it sucked. The whole concept behind high school is that everyone is going to have an equal chance to learn, whether their intelligence is equal to the other people or not. So all of the smart people are learning the same things as the dumbasses, and there are lots of dumbasses. Sure, they have smart classes, but there are dumbasses in there too.
So basically, the only thing I learned in high school was the value of mediocrity.
A funny thing about my high school though, was the fact that it had the highest number of pregnant girls out of any high school. 187 pregnant girls.
Shit, enough about high school. I'm done with that bullshit.
On to college!
On to responsibility I'm not ready for!
Bring it on Motherfucker!
We'll see who laughs last, college!!!
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[19 Apr 2006|01:11am] |
My favorite memory happened on the day of my father's funeral.
everybody was distraught.
People, family even, that hardly knew my father, they would exchange stories. They would tell stories of how silly my father was. They didn't tell stories of how my father truly was, though. Sure he was a hilarious man, but you didn't tell the stories of how most of the family considered him a black sheep. you didn't say how you weren't his real mother, and his real mother tried to drown him in the bathtub when he was two. you wouldn't say how you hated to loan him money, when you had another son who lived at home with you, doing the exact same damn thing.
no, but you would tell the same story you told a hundred times before.
in fact it's the only story you know about him.
hell, you barely know his real name, but you certainly know how to tell stories about him.
why didn't you tell the story about how he would pick his son up from band practice every wednesday from san antonio, and then drive back?
you would never tell a story that would praise an ex-drug addled black sheep. where were you in his life when he was still alive? when he was alive, he was just a bother, but as soon as he passed away, you realized that you took him for granted.
i know i certainly wish i wouldn't have taken him for granted.
I'm pretty sure the only ones who understood my father was that huge flock of birds that flew over my house the day of his funeral. They felt his pain. In fact, they were his pain. all of his pain and his suffering, and his sin, flying far away from him, and the memory he became.
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[19 Apr 2006|01:09am] |
Fuck Everyone. I'M the one who's kept it real.
yeah, that's right bitches.
p.s.
i could talk sooooo much livejournal shit to everyone right now, but that's not my style. but it IS getting ridiculous.
settle the fuck down.
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[18 Mar 2006|07:44pm] |
I would like to thank all of you girls out there.
thank you for doing your job.
thank you for making me fall in love with you, and then leaving me, and making me stronger. it is my job as a man to be strong, and it's your job as a woman to teach me how to become stronger.
thank you for teaching me how to go through all the pain of being in love with you, and you not loving me the same way. thanks for still being my friend, even though it is hard to be just friends.
thank you for teaching me not to take anything for granted, 'cause once i fuck up once, it's over with. thank you for giving me all kinds of false hope. thank you for making the most beautiful faces at me when we hang out, making me long for you again.
it really has made me stronger, and it's made me realize that despite how much i love you, there is nothing i can do about it.
in our drunken conversation last night, one of the guys said something that made me realize what i'm doing wrong right now.
he told one of the guys to imagine himself at a track meet.
he was chasing the girl in front of him, when there were plenty of others behind him, trying to catch him. all he had to do was slow down.
that's the situation i have been in for about two years now, and honestly, i don't regret it at all.
i am genuinely thankful that you have taught me everything. honestly. i still love you, and i probably always will, and i know i've been trying to move on forever now, but i think i can actually do it now.
once again, thank you for letting me go through what you put me through. everything happens for a reason. and i'm glad you were the one who taught me.
i'm just not glad that i'm not enough of a man to actually tell you.
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| we're all beautiful. |
[15 Mar 2006|01:41am] |
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Strung Out |
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I believe this is called livejournal, not deadjournal.
is this the way you enjoy living?
by being dead on the inside?
what?
your cell phone is dead?
who cares, you rely too much on technology anyways.
go outside and pick flowers. hell, just go outside.
wait, what's the first thing you notice?
that car has a badass system you say? just listen to that music!
why don't you listen to the beautiful chirping of the birds?
what's the point of being beautiful, if nobody or nothing notices? when is the last time you can honestly say you haven't taken something for granted? what's the longest you've gone without a cell phone, computer, ipod, tv, radio, etc.?
true beauty is almost always wasted on what is popular. this pseudo-aestheticism is derived from our reliability on technology and society.
as the dead kennedys put it, "give me convienence or give me death!"
well, if you think about it, convienence IS death, or at least it's certainly not living. people live effectively through experience, but if the experience level is deprecated, then we are basically not even using a quarter of our beautiful asses. we let technology handle the brunt of the hard work.
and yes, i may be biting the hand that is feeding me, but then again, i realize i am dead. i also realize that if a million zombies are chasing me, and i have a broken leg, there is no way i will ever outrun them, even if they have no brains.
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[25 Feb 2006|03:09am] |
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The creaking of my chair-my ass |
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Tonight i felt overly gay occasionally.
I need a girlfriend again.
I might as well become a eunuch.
and tee hee hee!
the little window above my post says "insert"
hehe.
and the left of it, it says "entry"
giggidy?
ethan, we're in the same boat. but it's a canoe in the middle of the ocean, and we don't have any arms.
:(
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[20 Feb 2006|11:18pm] |
everything is getting so repetitive in life.
i need a change.
maybe i'll get a random girlfriend again.
maybe i'll cut my hair.
i need SOMETHING
but i don't know what.
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[08 Jan 2006|02:33am] |
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propagandhi-impending halfhead |
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everytime i try to update, my computer farts.
i totally had a badass metaphor on here, but my computer shut off
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[30 Dec 2005|02:06am] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
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Lagwagon-Heartbreaking Music |
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i like the days when everything goes fine. When all of us are hopeful.
Mom, you just told me a bible verse about the three strands that can't be broken, and I agree with you.
Me, you, and Justin. We can't be split up, no matter who tries. And believe me people will try.
I'm starting to like coming home again, mom, not because of your lameass boyfriend, but because you rock, and i like your aphorisms.
this is dedicated to you mom.
i lost dad, and i don't wanna lose you.
thanks for being there for me.
i love you.
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[22 Nov 2005|12:10am] |
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thoughtful |
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Iteration-Propagandhi |
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So, as i sit here in my lethargy, i realize things. I realize the simple joys of life are really important to the well-being of an effective, yet happy way of life. What are the simple things you ask?
Well, quite simply, they are the easy things that make you happy.
It can be a pretty girl smiling at you. It can be the taste of an ice cold pepsi cola. It can be listening to that favorite album by your favorite band. But when it is a combination of many simple things, then it becomes bliss.
As NOFX says, "simple is bliss".
Simple.
There is no need for utopian-level ideals to confound the fruition of a happy way of life. Things should be kept simple.
or should they?
What happens when things get too simple?
Avid redundancy incessantly proliferates rampantly.
in "simple" terms, that means that things become repetitive.
now, granted, routine is very important to life,
but doesn't it seem pointless to follow the same routine everyday?
It is almost the equivalent of living one day for about 20 years. Like in the movie "Groundhog Day". Every time the protagonist wakes up, he is in the day before.
Sure, it's good to have simple things everyday, but should you have the exact same simple things everyday? If you eat bologna everyday, you're sure to get tired of it.
What's a feasible solution to a quandary such as this, then, you ask?
Why, an individual could change the simple things he or she does in life everyday. Instead of ordering a number 4 at jack-in-the-box, order a number 6 at wendy's. Then the next day, order a number 11 at McDonald's.
Hell, maybe even cook yourself!
In today's society, people rely TOO much on other people. Sure, it's nice to trust people, but eventually you're going to have to learn how to wipe your own ass.
Take a typical day.
Wake up, scratch your ass, take a shower, then go to work.
yes, you're a corporate whore.
but for whom?
other people, of course.
When's the last time you've done something nice for yourself?
people are always accused of being selfish, but is that a bad thing?
The majority of the people who work, work for OTHER people, so every once in a while, i think it's okay to spoil yourself.
i'm pretty damn sure i don't work 8 hours to bag my own groceries. 'cause if i did, i would need a hell of a big fridge to carry them all.
The people who get the least respect of all, are the teachers.
Teachers get treated like shit, but they still remain teachers. Why?
As cliche as it sounds, they teach beacause they care. They get chastised and ridiculed for providing students with free education. Especially substitute teachers.
Just because there is a difference in the normal routine, the students get volatile towards the catalyst of the routine, and try to correct it, oftentimes by being assholes. Either that, or they just feel like they they have superiority over the substitute teacher, since the students have been there longer than the teacher.
Anyways, I don't really know where i'm going with this. i just felt like ranting on something, and this randomly came into my head.
Umm...
one day i will go old school livejournal, and do my badass entries again.
i promise.
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[22 Nov 2005|12:07am] |
Dear livejournal,
Wah!!!
Love, Matthew.
Dear Matthew,
quit being a pussy.
now with that said, tell your friends to listen to you, and only you from now on.
You are a genius.
You know everything.
They don't realize it, but you knew they were going to somehow fuck up before they did.
Is it because you are psychic?
No.
is it because you're a badass?
slightly.
it's mainly because you have common sense!
use it!
wisely!
and bang them hoes.
love, livejournal
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| Dear Mother, |
[13 Nov 2005|11:31pm] |
I'm sorry I never have time for you.
I'm just so used to spending so much time with Chris.
I know how much you love him, and how much we hate each other, so obviously there is some sort of discrepancy.
Since I am so kind hearted, I am going to stay away, since I don't want you to pick who you love more.
I thought you wanted to spend time with Chris, but then when I told you i was going to my grandmother's you seemed more pissed at the fact that you COULD have had plans with Chris, than the actual fact that i wasn't spending time with you.
Oh, and you know how you want me to rely on you?
On stuff that mother's should do?
I don't because I don't want to take away any of your chris time.
And i tried calling you once, but you never answered.
That's when I gave up...
I love you mom,
and i always will.
but everything is bullshit.
i'm not blaming anybody.
i just want all of this shit to end.
i'm gonna miss you when i do leave, and i promise to visit occasionally
but you have to realize i'm going to be gone soon, and chris is gonna still be here.
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| Dear World, |
[13 Nov 2005|10:40pm] |
You know I have no beef with you, but as for your residents, as far as i'm concerned, they can go to hell.
Livejournal, you know i love you too,
but you have fucked me over in the past.
This is where your part comes world.
One of your citizens actually took something i said seriously!!!!
Oh, dear me, what an epoch we have fallen upon!
It's not just that. It's stupid fuckin' people in general.
It's just the general fact that people always take me serious, and i'm am by NO MEANS serious.
I love you to death world, but i'd love you more if people didn't suck.
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